How Does Parental Conflict Affect Children?

When parents are in conflict, children are greatly affected. While many parents think that they are keeping the conflict away from their children, they are often sadly mistaken. Even if parents try not to fight in front of their children, the children notice tension in the home. Parents who are experiencing conflict need to understand that this tension has a profound effect on their children, causing many problems, such as behavior and academic difficulties.



Children whose parents are in conflict often do poorly in school. Children blame themselves for parental conflict, mainly because they do not have the maturity to realize that the parents are the ones who create and maintain the conflict. Many children feel as though they have done something wrong to create the conflict, and as a result they have a difficult time concentrating in school. Even conflicts that seem mild to the parents have a tremendous impact on children, because they do not have the ability to discern various levels of conflict. Similarly, conflicts between parents can cause children to act out among their peers. This is also a result of the guilt the child feels, as well as the increasing frustration a child experiences in a home that is full of parental tension.


Children whose parents are continually in conflict soon begin to speak ill of one parent when around the other. For instance, when the child is around the father, he may tell bad stories about mom, and visa versa. This happens because the child is trying to gain the favor of the parent he is with. It does not mean the child actually feels negativity toward the other parent. However, it does provide fodder for the conflict, which continues to escalate, and continues to harm the child.


In addition to these problems, children who are living with parents who are in conflict all of the time often experience health problems. Children whose parents are fighting do not sleep as well as children in stable homes, and this affects their overall health. If the tension continues for a long time, children lose even more sleep, and they begin to get sick and run down. Also, if the conflict ceases, the negative impact continues. Research indicates that the anxiety and physical problems experienced by children who saw high levels of conflict between their parents can continue for at least a year. For this reason, parents need to work hard to keep their homes happy and harmonious. Parents who disagree need to make sure that they do so behind closed doors where their children cannot hear. Finally, parents should make sure that they apologize to each other in front of their children if conflicts arise. This will help the children to avoid the negative impacts of living with parental conflict.

SEXUAL ABUSE OF CHILDREN

What is it?
Sexual abuse of a child is inappropriately exposing or subjecting the child to sexual contact, activity, or behavior. Sexual abuse includes oral, anal, genital, buttock, and breast contact. It also includes the use of objects for vaginal or anal penetration, fondling, or sexual stimulation. This sexual activity may be with a boy or a girl and is done for the benefit of the offender. In addition, exploitation of a child for pornographic purposes, making a child available to others as a child prostitute, and stimulating a child with inappropriate solicitation, exhibitionism, and erotic material are also forms of sexual abuse.

Who are the victims?
Sexual abuse can occur in all populations. It happens to children in both rural and urban areas, in all socioeconomic and educational levels, and across all racial and cultural groups. Statistics indicate that girls are more frequently the victims of sexual abuse, but that the number of boys is also significant. Estimates suggest that males account for 25-35% of child sexual abuse victims. Factors that may increase a child’s risk of sexual abuse include being between the ages of 7 and 13, having the absence of a parent from the home, and being a young child who appears isolated, depressed, or lonely. There also exist common characteristics of the families in which sexual abuse of children occur. They include social isolation, the presence of a domineering father, an absent mother (either physically or emotionally), few role boundaries, and parents with a history of being physically or sexually abused as children. Furthermore, a child is also at increased risk if he or she is forced to assume the parenting role at an inappropriate age.

Who are the perpetrators?
The majority of sexual abuse of children is done by someone the child knows. Sexual abuse can occur within the family (by a parent, step-parent, guardian, older sibling, or relative) or outside the family (often by a person well known by the child and family). Looking at a number of retrospective surveys, results have indicated that no more than 10-30% of the offenders were strangers. In 90% of child sexual abuse cases, the offenders are male and are often described as being unassertive, withdrawn, and emotionless. Other common characteristics include a history of abuse (either physical or sexual), alcohol or drug abuse, little satisfaction with sexual relationships with adults, lack of control over their emotions, and occasionally mental illness. These offenders usually create opportunities to be alone with a child. emales can also be the perpetrators. However, they tend to use persuasion rather than force or he threat of force (threats of physical force or actual force are more common with male erpetrators and older victims). Interestingly, boys are more likely than girls to be abused by a female.

What are the signs/effects?

Although children who have experienced sexual abuse may be too frightened to tell anyone, there are physical and behavioral signs that may be seen. Physical signs are vaginal or rectal bleeding, pain, itching, swelling, or discharge; difficulty with bowel movements, urinating, or swallowing; recurring complaints of stomach-aches and/or headaches; and trauma to breasts, buttocks, lower abdomen, or genital or rectal areas. Their undergarments may also be torn, stained, or bloody. They may have vaginal infections or venereal diseases, and they may display difficulty in walking or sitting. Behavioral signs are extreme changes in behavior (loss of appetite, eating disorder, clingingness, withdrawal, aggressiveness); recurrent nightmares, disturbed sleep patterns, or a sudden fear of the dark; regression to infantile behavior (bedwetting, thumb sucking, excessive crying); fear of a particular person or fear of being left alone with a particular person or at a particular place; frequent lying, and delinquent behavior or a fall in grades at school. These children may also express unusual interest in or knowledge about sexual matters, express affection in inappropriate ways (for a child his or her age), and even engage other children in sexual activities or act out sexual behaviors (such as intercourse or masturbation). In addition, the victims may have poor relationships with other children, a lack of self-confidence, and the desire to engage in self destructive behavior (biting oneself, pulling out hair, wrist-cutting).

What can be done?

If sexual abuse of a child is suspected, it should be reported to a child protective service or to the police. Any professional who fails to report a suspected case of abuse may face criminal charges for not reporting their suspicion. However, it is not the responsibility of the person suspecting abuse to prove that abuse has occurred. It is important for the victims to receive medical attention for injuries or complaints, support for their situation, and to not be blamed for the sexual abuse. It is also important for these children to receive professional help from those trained to counsel sexually abused children.

HOW CAN I MANAGE COMPULSIVE SHOPPING and SPENDING ADDICTION (SHOPOHOLISM)

What is compulsive shopping and spending?
People who "shop 'till they drop" and run their credit cards up to the limit often have a shopping addiction. They believe that if they shop they will feel better. Compulsive shopping and spending generally makes a person feel worse. It is similar to other addictive behaviors and has some of the same characteristics as as problem drinking (alcoholism), gambling and overeating addictions.

Compulsive shopping or spending can be a seasonal balm for the depression, anxiety and loneliness during the December holiday season. It also can occur when a person feels depressed, lonely and angry. Shopping and spending will not assure more love, bolster self-esteem, or heal the hurts, regrets, stress, and the problems of daily living. It generally makes these feelings worse because of the increased financial debt the person has obtained from compulsive shopping.

How can you tell if you are a compulsive shopper?
Shopoholics, when they are feeling "out of sorts, shop for a " pick-me-up." They go out and buy, to get a high, or get a "rush" just like a drug or alcohol addict. Shopping addiction tends to affect more women than men. They often buy things they do not need. Holiday seasons can trigger shopping binges among those who are not compulsive the rest of the year. Many shopping addicts go on binges all year long and may be compulisve about buying certain items, such as shoes, kitchen items or clothing; some will buy anything.

Women with this compulsive disorder often have racks of clothes and possessions with the price tags still attached which have never been used. They will go to a shopping mall with the intention of buying one or two items and come home with bags and bags of purchases. In some cases shopololics have an emotional "black out" and do not remember even buying the articles. If their family or friends begin to complain about their purchases, they will often hide the things they buy. They are often in denial about the problem. Because they can not pay their bills their credit rating suffers, they have collection agencies attempting to get what is owed, may have legal, social and relationship problems. They sometimes attempt to hide their problem by taking on an extra job to pay for bills.

How do you control and treat this condition?
It is recommended that spending addicts seek professional counseling or a self-help group to deal with this problem. Addictive behaviors tend to come in clusters, so if you have an eating disorder, a problem with drugs or alcohol, or gambling, you may be a candidate for shopping addiction. Many communities have credit counseling centers that will also help with shopoholism.

How do I prevent shopping binges?

• Pay for purchases by cash, check, debit card.
• Make a shopping list and only buy what is on the list.
• Destroy all credit cards except one to be used for emergency only.
• Avoid discount warehouses. Allocate only a certain amount of cash to be spent if you do visit one.
• "Window shop" only after stores have closed. If you do "look" during the day, leave your wallet at home.
• Avoid phoning in catalog orders and don't watch TV shopping channels.
• If you're traveling to visit friends or reltives, have your gifts wrapped and call the project finished; people tend to make more extraneous purchases when they shop outside their own communities.
• Take a walk or exercise when the urge to shop comes on.
• If you feel out of control, you probably are. Seek counseling or a support group such as Debtors Anonymous.

CAREERS IN LIFE INSURANCE

Choosing the right career may seem daunting when you are below 20, but one must make the right decision and have some focus even before entering the university. Different careers will satisfy you in different ways and suit you at different times. Your career is your whole working life, which can be made up of a wide range of occupations and involve many changes in direction.



You may be at the crossroad, thinking which industry would suit you best.

How about a career in the life insurance industry?
It is not an obvious choice but if you dig deeper, you may be surprise at what you find. Life insurance is a dynamic, expanding, and maturing field that offers a combination of the major considerations to make the job truely rewarding over the long term. Often, the clear definition and importance of life insurance is unknown to the layman. Therefore, most individuals dare not get involved in this industry.

What is life insurance??
Life insurance is primarily a means of protection for individuals against financial loss as a result of a premature death, permenant disability or certain illnesses. It may also provide retirement income/old age security (annuity) or a return on investment (investment-linked products).


As the growth of life insurance in the industry is expected to continue, a career in life insurance gives the opportunity of excellent industry prospects. As the demand for skilled personnel in life insurance is very high, long term job security is assured. A career in life insurance is not only challenging, but it also carries the satisfaction of helping others secure their financial standing.

Is life insurance only about sales??
Many people associate it job in life insurance with sales and marketing. However, like any other financial institution, Great Eastern offers a wide range of jobs. The major professions represented are the actuary, marketing officer, underwriter, investment officer, claims officer and health care professionals. In addition, we also require talent in the areas of servicing, information technology, human resource and training.

Apart from being an industry that offers succesfully careers and established professions, Great Eastern also offers opportunities for professionals development through professional qualifications in life insurance, such as Life Office Mangement Association, Malaysian Insurance Institute, Chartered Insurance Institute and Registered Financial Planner. It opens up resources for the staff’s and agents’ self-development. Moving forward, we are looking towards an organizations which will portray the staff and agents as professionals to cater to the growing financial needs of the public.


Ms Nancy Lim, Senior Vice President and Head, Human Capital of Great Eastern Life Assurance (Malaysia) Berhad explains, “A career in insurance can be explained in three simple words- Life is great! That’s the motto by which Great Eastern staff live and work in a company that is celebrating it 100th birthday this year. If you enjoy personal interaction and understand different people’s life styles and financial needs, you will thrive here.”


She also added, “If you are attracted to deep learning curves and being part of a team that is expanding regionally, then you will really enjoy life at Great Eastern.”


Great Eastern is the largest and oldest life insurance company in Malaysia and Singapore. Its workforce numbers 1,500 in Malaysia and Great Eastern looks for graduates with good grades and a great attitude. Show potential, ambition, along with energy and good personal values and Great Eastern will teach you the industry know-how you need to succeed.

In line with the release of the STPM results, Great Eastern Life is offering attractive international, overseas and local scholarship to outstanding students to attract young and bright Malaysian performers into its organization. For those who are looking for that exciting career and potentially foreign assignment, you can log on to www.lifeisgreat.com.my

Moral Decay Among Muslim Teenagers in Malaysia

Nowadays, we can see Muslim teenagers around us, not only dressed in improper attire but they also behave in rude ways. They seem to forget their culture and religion. For them, freedom and happiness must be their first aims. Their tradition culture and religion should be left behind because they only restrain them from achieving total freedom in their life.

For example, in Edisi Siasat 2006 program dated on 30th April 2006, they shot a videoclip in one of nightclub in Kuala Lumpur area. From that scene it showed female and male teenagers dancing in wild manners without notice that there was a camera capturing their bad and wicked behaviors. With sexy luxury casual dressed the female teenagers without any shame danced in the group of man as they are high-class entertainer for male teenagers there. According to Edisi Siasat’s host they just took ecstasy and felt energetic and excited. They were able to dance the whole night without break. Some of them are studying in higher institutions and come from elite families.

Therefore, nowadays we witness moral decay not only happening to low class people without high education. But it is also happening to elite, high class and professional group to achieve particular aims and satisfactions. And we can say that most of these problems occured to Muslim teenagers. When these social problems have spread among our teenagers, all of us started to show fingers to parents. But in this situation we should not blame each other. Instead, we need to find out the solution to reduce or to stop these problems. As great scholars stated “Every illness have its remedy”.

When we ask this “Millenium teenagers” regarding these issues they will say “ooo….. Government must put Closed-circuit Television (CCTV) at all areas in town and the authority should increase their efforts to solve this criminal issues…” But if we think deeply, how much CCTV could help the authorities to solve this problem? Should government spend the expenditure to make sure that all areas in town in the whole Malaysia has CCTV? This suggestion is unreasonable. Should we put all these burden to the authorities and government? What is our role to protect ourselves in this moral problem? That’s are the thinking of our “millennium teenagers”. This assumption is one of the factors for moral decay among them.

 According to Russell Kirk in Wikipedia website, moral decay can be defined as the loss of an aim or object in life such as life values or moral values. From this definition we can simplified that moral decay is a decline of moral values . According to Al-Ghazali this moral decay happens when there is an inverse relationship between prosperity and moral decline. Its occurrence influenced by hedonistic worldview and lifestyle . From that statement we can say that moral decay or moral incline happens when wealth, physical and emotional satisfaction and pleasures become as the fundamental goals in our lives.

In my opinion, the main cause of this problem is devoid of Islamic values. This is because Islam is the way of Muslim life. Islam is a complete religion where it gives us guideline through Qur’an and Sunnah which cover all aspects in human life. It is including the way we behave in our daily life. As Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. said,

'This Deen or way of life is easy'; 'Make it easy, don't make it difficult; 'Let people rejoice in being Muslims and not run away from it'.

According to Tn. Hj Nik Mustapha Bin Nik Hassan in his article ‘Lets stregthen our ethical practice’, “Islam is of the view that moral acts are not distinguishable from religious acts. The more religious an individual is, the more morally upright he will be . It means Islamic teaching is not just focus on how to lafadz (recite) a kalimah (statement) Lailahaillallah Muhammadur Rasullah (There is no God except Allah, Prophet Muhammad is a Mesanger of Allah) correctly, and perform other Ibadah (deeds) like praying, fasting, paying Zakah and performing Hajj (Pilgrimage) in the right way. In Islam Ibadah is cover every single act in our daily life and every Ibadah has their own method to perform them. Therefore, have good attitude and manner is a part of Ibadah. The way we perform Ibadah is refer to our Prophet Muhammad S.A.W because he is a best model for us. His good manner and attitude were declared by other scholars even from other religions. Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. very particular in the way he communicates, he sleeps and even the way he eats. All the actions have the right way to perform.

As Allah have stated in Quran,

“Ye have indeed in the Messenger Of God a beautiful pattern (of conduct) for any one whose hope is in God and the Final Day, and who engages much in the praise of God”(Al-Ahzab 33:21)

Nowadays, some of Muslim teenagers have forgoten all these teaching and they seem never heard about the moral conducts that have stated in Islam. Their lives are full with meaningless freedom and happiness. As a result, most of them have involved in social problems such as drug addict, suicide, illegal sexual intercourse, loafing without any benefit intentions, illegal motor racing and others. All these problems occurred around us.

Therefore, we should take note from the speech of Dato’ Sri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi during Courtliness Campaign. As he said that to bring back moral values in our life, we have to start practice it individually, and then bring it to families. After that it will effects to society and nation .

Simply said, the responsible in turning to the path of Islam is on our shoulder. We as Muslim should upholding and practicing the values and norms preached by Islam. We need to strengthen ethical practice in our life. All of these values and ethics have stated in Qur’an and Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W and his companions. The Prophet S.A.W was sent as a teacher and as a role model for all of mankind. He was sent as a warner of Allah wrath and punishment, a bearer or good tidings, as well as a guide to Paradise.

I have been sent into this world to perfect the best of moral conduct in human behavior, to educate and purify them (74:2).

When we has strength hold in Islamic teaching, it easy for us to invite and teach our children. It is because Islamic environment which has cultivated in family will make them easy to understand Islam. Besides, Islamic practice will result the Islamic values such as Amanah (trustworthy), generous, tolerance and feel of respect among the family members. All the family members also know their own responsible in the family. The father is responsible to give Nafkah (breadwinner) for the family members, take care for his wife and children, teach them about Islam, give them educations and others. The mother is responsible to take care the welfare and maintenance of her husband, give birth and growing the children. The children also should respect their parents and their siblings. When they are growing up and their parents getting old, they should take care their parents and as their parents caring them when they small. All of these are the small part of the responsible in family institution. When the all-family members follow all the Islamic teaching, this family will achieve the success in world and hereafter. This scenario also will invite the rahmah (blessing) from Allah.

When all Muslim family in Malaysia society follows the right path of Islam, Insya Allah (By Allah Willing), all the outside bad culture will not easily influence our society. This scenario will lead others to respect Islam as a formal religion in Malaysia and Insya Allah (By Allah Willing) the dream of our Prime Minister to see our teenagers, as a strong basement for our country development will become true.